Sometimes I really wish everyone around me can be upfront and honest. 

 

I realize that even close friends can't do that at all times.  Wouldn't it be nice if there is always an answer when there is a question?  When one does not need to consider the consequences of answering the questions or the consequences of the other party taking the answers.  It becomes more difficult to carry a nice and joyful conversation with others.  People gradually rely more and more on the internet to communicate.   It is apparently easier to ignore and choose what certain people wish to answer and talk about. 

 

It bothers me a lot when people avoid or ignore on purpose.  I figure i am too confrontational at times and it might not be the best thing to do.  Sometimes it is probably necessary for smart people to do that in order to avoid any type of misunderstanding, conflicts and argument. 

 

I appreciate those ones who are always honest and upfront.  They have no problem answering questions because they have nothing to hide.  They have no problem talking about anything because they are confident with it.  They have no problem listening because others know that they will not be judgemental. 

 

People are just too afraid to be judged or to show their weakness. 

 

A lot of times that before I realize, I am already judged and showed my weakness by not being careful of what I said or wrote.

 

Someone asked me a remarkable question yesterday at dinner. 

 

"Don't you think teachers are over-paid?"  (of course this some what friend knows what I do for living)

 

There are times that people make remarkable comments that I just can't let go for years after years.  The last one was about 3 years ago before I was getting married from a laywer. 

 

"Stay home mothers are non-productive member of the soceity" (I wrote an blog entry about it though)  I was already furious with the fact that I didn't have any kid at that time and perhaps had no idea what stay home moms do.  I still hold respect for women who chose to devote their time to their own children. 

 

Some people might perceive teacher as an easy job and some have the perception of teachers must not have money.  So if someone thinks teachers are over-paid, it is even worse compared to those ones who think teachers are poor.  It is okay to be poor but it is not okay to lose respect for being who he/she is.  A lot of teachers consider themselve to be under-paid with the amount of time and energy we devote to our job.  Our job does not end when we step out of the classroom, and it does not begin when the bell rings.  Our job does not measure up to how much time and devotion we are giving to our students. 

 

We do not get a raise or commision when our students are doing very well.  We do not get paid during summer and people like to "wow" about how we have 2 month vacation of the year.  ( In some countries, teachers do get paid during summer, but not in U.S) 

 

On our "over-paid" scale, the maximum amount we can make after 30 years is probably just 70,000.  It is like after devoting your whole life to the career.  I can name many careers that makes more than 70,000 during the first two years. 

 

I like to respect the difference of opinions among friends or among different people.  I dislike any type of negative confrontation people have just because they are holding different opinion toward certain issues.  However, it is different when it gets personal and when someone is NOT thinking through the issue.

 

So, let's say if this person end up having his/her own children.   What kind of educators will he/she expect to teach his/her children?  Someone who is over-paid and someone who is worth getting paid as much as a blue collar worker?  Someone who did not take times to study about the best ways to educate children?  Someone who is qualified? 

 

Then the person with the remarkable question goes "Don't you just need a bachelor degree to be a teacher?"

 

I guess there is no need to explain the answer to this question because if anybody can jump in the classroom and teach... then what's the future of our children in this era? 

 

 

Most people probably break someone's heart in the course of his/her life.  Most people probably got their heart broken too by someone else as well.  It is not the greatest feeling in the world.. but we probably all have to go through it.

 

Recently found out that this guy that was heart-broken by me years ago is happily married.  I was once really worried about him... but I realize that everyone all eventually move on.  I have heard many stories of others have proved that no one is going to be forever heart-broken. 

 

When I was young, I used to believe in the type of love which can be given to only one person in life.  Once you really love this person, you can never love again.  No one else is able to make you feel the same way?  Honestly I still somewhat believe it in a sense.  There is just this ONE PERSON you once loved or you still love who can make you feel the "special way".  Perhaps there are many different types of love, and not everyone is going to married into the same kind of love... but it is all "love". 

 

When I was young, I used to hear phrases like “I will never love someone else the same way I love you".  Someone used to tell me that "you will be forever loved"... sounded really romantic but I think it has become "I am forever hated" toward the end.  Some people turn past love into memories, some turn past love into resentment, and some turn past love into regret or even revenge.  How long can one stay heart-broken?  Some probably move on quickly and find his/her new love... some probably mourn and upset for a longer period and move on eventually...  is there really someone out there who will stay heart-broken for the rest of his/her life and never can love again?  I often wonder about that. 

  

When I found out that I was pregnant again, I was deeply worried that I couldn't love another baby / child the same way I love Scott.  I was even more worried when we found out it's a boy again.  I remember calling Wells in the hall way outside of the doc's office, and he was like "OH..... (with a very disappointed tone), does that mean I will not have a daughter in my life?"  I was furious and yelled back at him... however, at that same time, I also knew how disappointed I was myself.. probably not less than him with the fact that I know most men would want a daughter running to them and say "Daddy, I love you".. it is always different than having a boy. 

 

When I first had Timmy in my arm, I did not feel the same way as I first had Scott.  I took care of him as a newborn like I was supposed to as a mother.  I nursed him whenever he cried... and I hold him so he does not scream and wake up everybody.  Everyone seems to be very indifferent about his existance..  I am referring to EVERYONE in my family and Wells' family.  Everyone still pays most attention to Scott.  He does not get gifts like what Scott used to get, and he does not get all the visits from friends and relatives like what Scott had.  I even felt that I was stuck with Timmy 24/7 and rarely anyone wants to take turns caring for him.  I told myself that it is perfectly normal to feel that way, because I remember wanting to push Scott back to my uterus after he was born.  I was so stressed facing a crying baby at all time and unable to sleep.  I don't have too much problems with caring for an infant but I still kept wondering if I can love him the same. 

 

I feel that having a 2nd son feels extra for a man especially.  Wells shows a huge difference in terms of his attitude toward Timmy compared to Scott.  Because of that, I told myself that I have to give Timmothy more love because he does not get the same from his daddy. 

 

As Timmy grows older... he is now 2 and half month... I feel more and more thankful about having my 2nd boy.  He is so adorable... like a mini Wells with beautiful huge eyes.  My love for him grows more and more as days go by.  I guess babies get more adorable as they can smile at you....  I also feel very sad that I have to return to work very soon next month... I stayed home with Scott for his first 8 month in life but I am unable to do the same for Timmy. 

 

I can't wait for Scott and Timmy to play together.  They can be best-friends, best-buddy, and best playmate.